Where's my kipper? I'm back for breakfast!

[Wizard Drongo]

Thought I'd say hi, I'm back.
Not that many will probably have noticed I went anywhere (I often vanish for upwards a week at a time), but I've been away for the last week, and I thought I'd share my SHIT week with you all! It's a wee story an a half, so if you're not find of a long read, sod off now


So, last Saturday night, the missus and I were putting up the festive decorations, as we usually do (which is to say we were bickering and arguing about where the tree should go and why I can't have any more blue led lights) about this time of year when I started to notice a slight pain in my right er... well, let's just say if you wanted to model it, you'd be using the "O" key in lightwave
Thought nothing of it, and went I back to my persuasive discourse on why our lack of blue-leds was detrimental to the ambience of our home.

A couple of hours pass, and the slight pain in my right "groinal-area" shall we say, has gotten considerably worse, and spread into my bladder and kidneys area. Like, worse enough that a few paracetamol and a good half of pear cider were not kicking it. I goes for a lie down, hoping I've just strained something a bit, as you do when you're stretching light-strings around the ceiling balancing on one foot on a window sill.

Around 12pm-ish, 5 hours of pain are getting steadily worse to the point the missus phone's NHS-Direct (for our American brethren this is our health services phone system where you can ring up and ask a nurse daft questions without needing to go oot the house) to ask what she should do. They advise to give me the paracetamol I've already taken twice the recommended dose of, and to pop along to the local out-of-hours health office where a standby-doc will have a swatchie at me around 2am-ish. Meanwhile, I've started rolling around the floor in agony (apparently I started drooling at one point. It was reportedly amusing and disturbing at the same time). By about 01:30, it was apparently obvious to Herself (my beloved missus) that I wasn't gonna be getting into a taxi to get to a clinic, mainly cause they won't take people being sick, which I was, several times from the pain.
So, she toddles off to ring the NHS Direct people again hoping they'll maybe get the standby Doc to come visit us. As soon as they heard the noise I was apparently kicking out in the other room over the phone they said "Don't worry about going to the clinic, we're sending an ambulance". Ambulance arrives, by which time I was delirious with pain (I don't actually remember much here, going on what the Missus has said). They see me and dig out the happy-gas, which I didn't even notice, so bad was the pain. They get me through to A&E (Accident & Emergency, or the ER to yanks) and through to a junior doctor, who promptly gives me a shot of morphine. Doesn't really do much. I was a bit more with it now, having been on the gas for near 20 minutes now. Pain still mind-blowing. He says "Hmmm, that should have killed the pain a bit, here have another". Still no joy. And another. And another. That's four shots of happy-time and it still feels like someone's gutting me from inside. So the junior doctors now a wee bit worried so he sends for a surgical consultant, and gives me some stronger-than-morphine drug straight into the area (rather than into the drip he's got me on) as well an anti-vomit shot to stop me colouring his scrubs anymore. This seems to do the job, I start noticing where I am again, realise I'd come out the house with no shoes on!

Surgical consultant comes down (around 4am-ish), and she was a very pretty blonde lady which didn't help at all when she needed to check things 'down there'. She takes one look at what they've given me, and how it's still hurting (although not nearly so bad, I wasn't even dribbling anymore!!) and sends me up to the ward, upsetting the missus who was still hoping out that it was something daft and I'd be let out in a couple of hours.
Next day (well, really the same day, but about 10am-ish) they send me for a CT scan to find out what it was (pretty-blonde-surgeon was betting on kidney stones, junior-doc on a burst appendix). Tuns out the pretty blonde won her stake, I had a kidney stone.
A poxy 5mm kidney stone that decided to move out of my right kidney in it's inexorable attempt for freedom from my renal system.

The worst pain I have ever had, and it was a 5mm lump of rock!!!

Very un-masculine that, should have at least been a burst organ or something!!!
Having spent the rest of the last week in hospital either bored out of my wits (cause it don't hurt if it's not moving) or getting injections in my arse (cause when it moves it really hurts) on Wednesday they decide that since it's still hurting and it's not 'passed', that it's better out than in, so decide to operate to remove it. Finally got the op yesterday, and discharged today. They couldn't actually find it (apparently this is normal, since the operation involves sticking a tube into me via a *very* delicate part of my anatomy and said tube often pushes the stone back up into the kidney) so instead, I now have a plastic tube coiled around my bladder/kidney so when this stone does move I won't feel it. I'll have to go get it out in about 3 weeks time, but at least I'm not in hospital for Yule and Hogmanay. With all the old guys that are found in a Urology ward. I was the youngest patient in, by at least 4 decades.

Just a couple of things to note in case you're ever in the same boat as me:

1) A man's penis is a very sensitive thing. Having an edoscope, two tubes, a camera and a 'basket' (don't ask) shoved up inside it is VERY unpleasant. Avoid this. If you are unable to avoid it, get a general anaesthetic so you're asleep when it happens, like I did.
2) It's still hurt afterwards. Like hell. I'm not kidding here.
3) They do give you a columbian drug-lord's worth of morphine to help with 2) though.
4) That gives you really weird dreams afterwards, and a feeling that is indescribably unpleasant; like really drunk, but really tired as well, yet strangely unable to sleep.

So, I got home today, finally, and am almost ready to face the festive season, when I realise that I've not done any Christmas shopping to speak of (I usually get mine done the week or to before Xmas, and I was already running behind). Since I'm still a wee bit unsteady today, and tomorrow's Sunday, this means I will be shopping on Christmas Eve, in Glasgow, one of the worlds busiest shopping areas. Yay!

How was your week?

[PepeWan]

Yeesh.

Good luck with the recovery, eat lots of ice cream. (yes, I know that's for tonsils, but really, who's gonna deny you ice cream at a time like this?)

[TheGreatRaja]

hey it could have been on the holiday
Glad to hear your getting better


Now where's that joke book

[bmckain]

I didn't even need to get past paragraph four to know it was a kidney stone. The minute you mentioned the symptoms I nearly doubled in sympthetic pain. For a period of about three years I routinely had a kidney stone about every six months. They still don't know why and niether do I but I am very glad that I don't get them anymore.

Glad you made it and good to see your back but I have to say that's a rough way to get to see pretty blonde docs.

[Fabio]

I Once "passed" a gallstone - same kind of pain only different area - not funny - not funny at all.....

[CAClark]

My wife had two kidney stones last year, and apparantly the pain caused is one of the most severe pains a person will ever endure, indeed they told us it is considerable more painful than child birth. In my wifes case, they had to insert a stent to allow fluid to pass by the stone and swelling. So you have my sympathies for having to endure that!

Cheers!

[BillS]

ouch...

[Rigel]

Glad to hear you will be okay.

Merry Christmas mate!

[Matt]

Owwww... Hope the recovery goes well mate and try to keep in the spirit of the Christmas holidays

[Wizard Drongo]

heh, thanks
I thought I'd post as way to get into a general discussion about kidney stones and their assosiated pains.
As soon as I found out what it was I had, I was feeling dead guilty that I'd had an emergency ambulance take me in and that I was taking up a bed hen most of the time I was fine!
Nice to know that the pain is actually really bad, and it's not just me being a wuss.
Sadly, the Christmas spirit is gonna have to wait a few more days till I stop taking the anti-spasmodics I'm on, they don't mix well with alcohol.
What's that?
What do you mean that's not the Christmas spirits you meant??

[jorjo]

Sorry to hear you've missed celebrating Yule mate, I guess feasting to excess was not the worlds best plan with a rock in the Belated seasons greetings to you and herself regardless mate stay healty

[Tony Gardner]

Bloody hell mate, glad I've never had one of those...

Hope Santa brings you a speedy recovery.

[Wizard Drongo]

Ta, yeah me too. Hopefully this thing will 'pass' (if you'll forgive the pun) in due time. Then I just have the unmentionable fun of having the tube-thing removed in a few weeks. If not, well, then things get a notch more serious....
Probably won't go there though. Best to everyone out there this Yule/Christmas/Festivus/Mid-Winter Pissup.

Oh, and aye, Jorjo, tell me about it. On Yule itself, instead of eating the half-a-dead-pig we've got sitting on ice, I was getting felt-up by nurses and tubes shoved where I really don't want tubes shoved.

[Bells of Freedom]

Wizard Drongo,

Man, am I sorry to hear you had to go through that. I watched my dad have similar procedures done for prostate issues and it was excruciatingly painful. (The one thing I will say, for anyone that may face a similar situation, is if you're ever in the position of having to have tubular items placed up your Mr. Happy, have an experienced urologist or experienced urology nurse do it. My dad said it was a night and day difference with the pain. Non-urology medical practitioners don't have the experience in this area (no pun intended) and so tend to cause the patient more pain.

Glad you're feeling better, Wizard!

[Wizard Drongo]

Mr. Happy
Thanks, that's put a smile on my face for the rest of the day
Seriously, never heard that one before! Stop, it hurts to laugh!
Still fairly sore, but I'll live! Gotta go shopping in the 7th busiest city in the world now. On Christmas Eve. Yeah. That's gonna be loads of fun.

[Bells of Freedom]

Wizard,

How are you feeling lately? What are the doctors saying?

You do know that you've got to milk this thing for all it's worth, right? Get all the TLC you possibly can! This is your chance to make your wife watch Die Hard three times in a row!!
"It'll make me feel better, really!"

[Wizard Drongo]

Heh, feeling about the same thanks. Had a nice quiet christmas. Not taking the high-strength painkillers now, so the ciders getting ravished
Still haven't gotten this damned stone to go away yet

[Rigel]

Ask about ultrasound treatment. A friend here in Canada had it; they use an ultrasound-like device to shatter the stone with sound waves.

[Bells of Freedom]

Yeah, I've also heard of that ultrasound treatment.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling much better, Wizard. That really sucks.

Cider? You mean "a tasty alchoholic beverage?" Is that what you European folks call it?
I've never heard "cider" before.

[freez]

ouch, that hurts worse than a kick there, hope you feel better soon